


Behind My Pride

by phoenixjustice



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Canon - Manga, Canon Compliant, M/M, Slow Burn, post-Green Witch arc, spoilers for the entire manga
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 18:11:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6019939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixjustice/pseuds/phoenixjustice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian Michaelis/Ciel Phantomhive, Post-Green Witch Arc. Spoilers for the entire manga.</p><p>Trapped and put at a disadvantage that he had never dealt with before, he struggles to regain everything he once knew. Struggles to deal with Sebastian in a place, a situation, he had never envisioned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That Butler, Raining

Behind My Pride

By: PhoenixJustice

Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is owned by Yana Toboso. I only own this story and make no profit from this.

Warning: Rated M for future sexual content, underage, slash, language, violence, etc.

Pairing: eventual Sebastian Michaelis/Ciel Phantomhive, etc.

Setting: Post-Green Witch Arc. Spoilers for the entire manga.

Summary: Trapped and put at a disadvantage that he had never dealt with before, he struggles to regain everything he once knew. Struggles to deal with Sebastian in a place, a situation, he had never envisioned.

A/N: This has been sitting in my mind for awhile now. It all kind of came together when I saw a certain gif from the anime and a whole idea and story kind of came to fruition immediately after seeing it. Or at least, in the very beginning, I saw the opening scenario of the story I would come to have in mind, and the rest followed with it.

_**Bold italiced words (when someone speaks German.)** _

_Italics are thoughts._

**Bold is flashbacks.**

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One - That Butler, Raining

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Pat pat pat went the rain as it poured relentlessly onto the ground, the grass, the trees, everything and everyone. It made running that much harder. Feet all but sail across the stone, not noticing or not caring about the little splatters of blood that trailed behind them as they hurried, getting washed away in the rain.

They had thought themselves past it, past the whole situation. Yet now here they were, continuing to run for their lives (or at least running to protect Ciel's as Sebastian didn't exactly need protected). They had had to split from the others in order to get the "Green Witch" to safety. As well as out of necessity to protect Ciel himself. He was the King and everyone else the pawns and without the King the pawns could not act. He had to stay alive, had to keep going, so he could get his eventual Checkmate against those who had wronged him.

Sebastian's feet were like the wind as they fled, with shots and shouts trailing behind them. He knows some of them hit Sebastian; he can tell from the slight seconds it puts Sebastian off his running, can feel the pressure, can almost taste the blood in the air-blood that he can certainly smell. But Sebastian doesn't let on of anything being wrong. He flees and hurries and continues on without a sound of complaint even though Ciel knew that he had to feel it. Even if Sebastian didn't feel pain the way humans did, or had to worry about things like that, he knew the demon still felt pain and from all those shots...he was sure it hurt.

However he spared no thought of worry or concern for him. Sebastian was a Phantomhive servant. And he was a demon. As the servant of Phantomhive, he would always succeed in the end. As a demon, he would see through the contract he had made with the person on the other end. As Ciel had yet to get what he had gave up his Soul in the future for, Sebastian would not fail. He had never failed Ciel.

The rain falls down harder and he barely has a chance to wince at the sudden change of the downpour before seconds later, like a blur, Sebastian has removed a coat from a fallen body (when had he killed the person? He couldn't even see it happen) and moves it over Ciel to protect him from the rain as much as he can, barely pausing in his running stride.

"I apologize, Young Master; it is the best I can offer you from the rain until I can get us away from our pursuers."

"Hnn." He looks as best as he can over Sebastian's shoulders, straining in the rain-and the coat over him-to see anything. Sebastian could of course see much better than he, or any human, but he was focused on the task at hand, and ahead. "Can you tell how many are behind us?"

Sebastian is quiet for a moment, seemingly focusing on something. "I cannot tell exactly how many there are, Young Master. I would estimate at least thirty, if not more. And more are coming."

Ciel lets out a huff. "How many of these godforsaken Germans are there? No end to them. If-" Sebastian stumbles suddenly and that, more than the fall he takes, surprises Ciel. He lands on the muddy ground with a hard thud. He winces at the scrapes on his knees. He starts to look up.

"What the hell was that about, Sebas-" He stops as he takes in Sebastian who is panting rather hard. He perks up as he hears Ciel's voice and starts to get up heavily. Ciel can see the trails of blood flowing from many places, the most visible being one on his right shoulder.

A moment later he lets out a yelp as Sebastian picks him back up, hurrying back along the way in front of them. In the far distance Ciel can hear yelling, both in German and in English but it's too far away to make out precisely what they're saying. Large cracks of thunder start to follow them in their wake as they run. Sebastian was no longer running with the speed or grace of before. He was still fast, but Ciel can see something wrong. Sebastian never acted like this. He was never this clumsy, this almost-human clumsiness, stumbling.

"Can you kill any of them?" Ciel asks, nearly demands. He wasn't quite sure why he asked; something about Sebastian and his demeanor now was putting him off in a way he couldn't describe.

Sebastian is silent long enough that the young Earl starts to feel doubt creep into his head for the first time in a long time. Even when dealing with other things, knowing that he had Sebastian, a demon, aiding him, as well as his own skills (honed from time dealing with the deepest, darkest, parts of the city and beyond) made him feel...not invincible, but _comfortable_. Even during that time with the Circus, or with trying to get himself out of being framed for murder, had he felt this kind of doubt. He didn't like it. He didn't like things he couldn't control; it was the things he couldn't control which led him to be branded and to be dealt with numerous horrible things in the before and after it.

Sebastian's grip tightens. "It's safer to flee and get you out of here, Young Master."

That almost admission only further scares him and he does his best to keep it leashed and in check.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Eventually he can no longer hear the shouts or cries or speaking from anyone. All he can hear is the pitter patter of the rain, the thunder in the sky, his sped up heart, and Sebastian's labored breathing. Sebastian didn't need to breath as humans did, but from what Ciel could gather in the-relatively short time, in Sebastian's eyes-time he had known the demon, it was an indication of overall being. Or something like that. And for Sebastian to be breathing as he was...it was not good.

He didn't understand-and he hated his lack of understanding in things above almost all else. Something was obviously _wrong_ with Sebastian and the gunfire had nothing to do with it. The demon had been shot numerous times and it only served to _amuse_ him. It may hurt him but it could never, ever, kill him. But here he was, panting heavily, moving slower now, as if moving truly hurt him.

The rain keeps up its relentless pouring, uncaring of any hurts or slights anyone beneath it may be dealing with. And with it came cold, which only intensified as the night continued on.

"We're at a town now, Young Master. Let me see if I can-" Sebastian stumbles again, and this time Ciel does not fall, but he does stumble up against a brick wall. He reaches for Ciel with his right arm but stops, wincing, grabbing at his shoulder, panting, the cold making his breath appear as if like mist.

"Sebastian..." Ciel says, still clutching the dead man's coat over him as if it were a lifeline. The rain pours over them.

"Young Master. It-"

Ciel's eye widens as Sebastian's face clenches in pain. He collapses in front of Ciel.

"Sebastian!"

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The sight in front of him has him stunned for a long time. Eventually the rain pours harder, knocking Ciel out of his shock. He walks over to where Sebastian lay, stumbling slightly underneath the weight of the coat he still clutched within his small hands. He looks down. Sebastian lay as he had been when he fell, still unconscious. It was a sight that he had never thought he'd see and it left him at a loss.

He shakes his head. It must be some kind of mistake, some illusion, something...Sebastian could never fall. As a Phantomhive servant, as a demon, he could never fall. This was just...

"Sebastian?" He pushes his foot slightly against the demon's body, which still breathed (if shallowly.) "Wake up. This isn't funny!" He prods at the demon some more, but Sebastian doesn't react. While Sebastian might like to test Ciel sometimes, to poke fun and prod at him where he could, he would never do it at a time when Ciel was so obviously in danger. Ciel was still in Contract with him and Sebastian's own morals-skewed as they might be-would not allow himself to jeopardize the Contract. And part of that meant keeping Ciel safe, alive.

He kneels down, hands clutching the coat around him tighter as thunder booms across the sky.

"Please."

The helplessness he felt now was something he had promised himself he'd never feel again.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

" _Kami-sama!_ _**He's bleeding. You-are you okay? You're not hurt are you**_?"

He looks up as a woman, who looked to be in her early twenties, looks down at him in concern, an umbrella clutched tightly in her grip. She looked decidedly out of place in her rather colorful, blousy shirt, paint spattered blue jeans and long bright coat. She was also of a decidedly asian origin, which was also out of place in the midst of so many Germans he had seen just a short while ago.

"No." he coughs. He felt weary, the kind of weariness that wore at your bones, and cold. And scared. Helpless. And he hated that he felt that way. "I'm fine."

She raises a brow. "English. There haven't been any English folk this far down in a long time-" She spoke English very well and the way she said English led him to believe she meant English as in a British citizen; perhaps it was the term they used where she lived or came from. She looks over at Sebastian, kneeling down to him. He was still unconscious and still bleeding, though it had slowed greatly-something Ciel didn't know if it were good or bad. "We've got to get him out of here and somewhere dry. I have a home not far from here."

He nods, unsure of what else he could do or say. He disliked being led, but at this point he could do nothing on his own, so he needed the help. He stands, thankful he does not shake from the cold or fall from it.

"I'm gonna need your help though, okay? He's too big for me to carry on my own; I can take most of the weight but you'll have to help hold him on the other side."

"A-Alright."

She folds her umbrella, putting it in one of the large pockets of her coat and starts the careful process of getting Sebastian up. She winces as she lifts him, eyeing him with concern. Ciel too couldn't help but feel a bit of the same concern as he looked at Sebastian. What could possibly do something like that to a demon? A hundred, a thousand, bullets would not have made him do this before. And the bullets the Germans had shot had seemed like the same sort of bullets anyone would use, nothing special. And if they _had_ been special, wouldn't Sebastian have noticed?

Sebastian lets out a groan as Ciel gets on the other side, as they move him along but he doesn't awaken. It wasn't the ideal way of getting Sebastian out of there, but the lady had been right; neither of them could carry Sebastian out of their on their own. They would have to get him out of this place like this and hope it didn't do anything more to harm him.

"What-" the lady lets out a grunt, as she had the brunt of Sebastian's weight as they walked. "What is your name?"

Ciel looks at her with a bit of surprise. With so much having happened in a short amount of time, he had completely forgotten his manners. Mind you, it was fair that he had, considering he had been going through a lot. But as an English gentleman, he had to fix that right away. It wouldn't do for the Queen's Watchdog to make the Queen look bad.

"Ciel. Ciel Phantomhive." There was nothing on the woman's face to let him know that she recognized that name.

"I'm Kyrie. Kyrie Yashimo."

It was quiet for a moment. The rain was starting to slow down, but it was still going on enough that they could still hear it.

"By the way, I meant to ask; exactly _why_ are you wearing a dress?"

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I hope you enjoyed this!

Let me know what you thought!

-PhoenixJustice


	2. That Butler, Wounded

Behind My Pride

By: PhoenixJustice

Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is owned by Yana Toboso. I only own this story and make no profit from this.

Warning: Rated M for future sexual content, underage, slash, language, violence, etc.

Pairing: eventual Sebastian Michaelis/Ciel Phantomhive, etc.

Setting: Post-Green Witch Arc. Spoilers for the entire manga.

Summary: Trapped and put at a disadvantage that he had never dealt with before, he struggles to regain everything he once knew. Struggles to deal with Sebastian in a place, a situation, he had never envisioned.

_**Bold italiced words (when someone speaks German.)** _

_Italics are thoughts._

**Bold is flashbacks.**

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Two - That Butler, Wounded

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Her place was a modest looking two story house, mostly tall than it was wide with large windows with shutters. It was too dark, with most lights in the town off for Ciel to tell what the colors of it were. The rain had slowed enough that it was easy to ignore, at least compared to what it had been. The young woman's comments moments earlier had caused Ciel to flush fiercely and stammer a few comments about being in a play (the first thing he could think of.)

"An actor? Well-" she stops, grunting as they get Sebastian to the stairs on the side of the house. "This'll be the hard part. Hold on tight to him." She glances at Sebastian, who was still unconscious.

Ciel lets out an affirmative grunt and they make the slow trek up the stairs. Although there weren't many stairs, it was still very difficult to navigate an unconscious person-or Demon, in this case-up them. Luckily the woman held most of Sebastian's weight and they were making decent progress. Still, it takes long enough that it leaves Ciel panting heavily as they finally get to the door, which she works to get open after a moment or two of trying to hold Sebastian up and not put all the weight on Ciel's end.

"Almost-aha!" she exclaims. "There it goes!" She gets the door open finally and they make their way inside. "Can you get the light on the right? Just over there next to your head."

He manages to get his hand over to it, hitting the switch and the bulb flickers to life a moment later. It was a decent sized room, with a large bed, a wooden desk and a small table (also wood) with a couple of chairs. It looked to be a bit cramped, however, at the moment, since there were a few artistic implements also taking up space in the room, such as a large easel.

"I haven't had the need for a guest room so I had been slowly converting it to a place to do my art," she explains as they carefully make their way around things to the bed. "Here, you push back the blankets." At his glance at her and Sebastian, she manages a small smile. "I can manage him long enough for you to do that."

He nods, moving as quickly as he can from Sebastian and pulls back the blankets. He just manages to keep hold of Sebastian with her when he's finished.

"Now comes the more difficult part." she says, grunting as they start to get Sebastian onto the bed. Sebastian lets out a low moan, but again does not awaken. Luckily for Ciel his thoughts had coalesced into these moments now, which left him no time to overly worry about the situation and what could have done this to Sebastian.

They finally manage to get him onto the bed.

The young woman lets out a sigh of relief, shaking her head. "There's that. Okay, you stay with him while I get a few things."

Ciel starts a bit at that. "But, miss, certainly we should get a doctor-" Don't mind the fact that Sebastian was a Demon and it might not help; as it was Ciel was not thinking completely clearly and Sebastian was obviously hurt in a way he had never been before.

She shakes her head at Ciel. "He's injured fairly badly. There's no time to awaken the doctor. If I can get him stable, then we can get him. But I feel like there is no time."

"But, Miss-"

"It's okay." She reassures him. "I have medical training. I'll take care of your friend."

The words _He's not my friend_ were on his lips but it was not the time or place to try and explain.

He nods tersely at her.

She gives him a reassuring smile as she starts to head back out the door. She pauses briefly to glance at Ciel.

"And it's Kyrie, as I said."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

She comes back with a filled bucket of water, a sponge and a few other things stuffed into her pockets with obvious haste.

"We need to get those wet clothes off of him, for starters." she says, as she walks back over to them. "It'll help lessen the chances of infection and pneumonia."

He would have said it was impossible for those things to happen to Sebastian, but here the Demon was, in a position he had never seen him before. So who _knew_ what could happen. He blanches as what she says really hits him. "His clothes?"

She raises a brow at him briefly. "Yes. The clothes can get into the wound and cause an infection. Here, come and help me." She sets the bucket and sponge down and gives Ciel a pointed look. He gathers up his courage, ignoring the blush staining his cheeks. They start to work on the shirt, carefully unbuttoning it and moving it off of Sebastian. He had never seen another person naked before and hadn't ever thought he would any time soon. Especially not his butler. It was...unsettling. To see Sebastian in such a vulnerable position was unsettling to him. Sebastian was _Sebastian_. He was strong. He was Ciel's right arm, his most valuable Pawn, a Knight, in this game of Chess he was playing against an unknown foe. To see him so pale, so hurt, so _vulnerable_ shook Ciel to his core.

It was that, more than the man looking Demon, that frazzled him so.

"My goodness." Kyrie says, sounding distressed as she looks down at Sebastian. "What on Earth _happened_ to you two?"

There weren't as many bullet holes as he expected, but there were still many. Some still oozed blood, while others seemed a bit healed, but nowhere near healed like they normally should have been. Many were scabbed over, as if having been healing for a little while, but not that long.

Ciel shakes his head. The coldness, combined with the wet clothes, the events of the day and night were starting to get to him. "We were...being followed. I-"

He starts to sway but gets caught by the young woman's hands on his shoulders.

"And I almost forgot about you and _your_ needs. Forgive me." she says. "Can you head to the bathroom and get out of those clothes? I don't know if I can find anything your size, but I might have something relatively close."

He shakes his head. "We need to take care of Sebastian first; then we can take care of whatever else."

She releases him and gives a bit of a bemused smile as she picks the sponge back up, putting it into the bucket for a moment.

"Sebastian, huh? Nice name." she remarks lightly as she starts to slowly clean off the blood and grime from the butler. The butler grimaces slightly, but thankfully it doesn't seem to hurt him more than he already was.

"Hn." He felt that saying _I named him after my dog_ _I used to own as a child_ would also not go over well, so he kept that to himself as well. "I...think so too." He glances down back at Sebastian, who was still so still, so silent, that it unnerved him. "But I dare never tell him; he'd get a big head otherwise."

Kyrie lets out a small chuckle which causes Ciel to look at her. "You seem to get along well."

To that Ciel says nothing. His situation, tangled with a Demon, was too much to explain right now and besides that, he felt no need to explain it.

Finally Sebastian seems to come clean enough to Kyrie's satisfaction.

"There. That'll help with what comes next." She grabs a few things out of her pockets and he sees that it's the same instrumentations that the Doctors used to sew people back up. More than Sebastian, whom had to sew up a few wounds before of Ciel's, so as not to cause suspicion with Doctors, it reminded him uncomfortably of Madam Red. He can picture easily her face, her smile, her kind words as much as he can picture her final moments, when she is no longer filled with rage, but with regret, with wanting someone to understand-!

He looks away, emotion choking his throat and hating it so very much. He jumps as he feels a hand on his arm and turns to see the kind face of Kyrie looking at him in concern.

"Are you alright?" she asks him, brows furrowed.

"I'm fine. But shouldn't you-" He looks at Sebastian and sees the wounds already sewed up and tended to. Had he really been out of it that long?

"It's all done." she tells him, kindness in her voice. It certainly spoke of his jaded nature, he knew, when he felt mistrust from her, though she had done nothing that he could see to deserve it. But from what he knew of the world, it was easier to mistrust and then apologize later, than to foolishly believe and be torn apart from that. "Now," she says, her tone a little more brusk, though still kind. "Can we get to you, now that your friend is taken care of?"

He looks down at Sebastian. He was breathing softly, but looked otherwise fine. He would just have to take her at her word that he would be fine for now. He had little knowledge of medicine; it wasn't required in his lessons and Sebastian knew of those things so he hadn't had the need for it. Little good that did him now that Sebastian himself was out. It nagged at him. Something was obviously _wrong_ but he couldn't do anything about it now.

"Fine." he says with a bit of a sigh, starting to stand.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Ahh! Good! I'm glad they fit; I wasn't sure if I had anything left!"

It certainly wasn't what he was used to, what with the rolled up sleeves and all. Other than that, it seemed fine. It was decent quality. A silver jumper with thin red pinstripes on the sides and a pair of brown trousers. If Sebastian-or Nina, his seamstress-could see him now.

"These are yours?" he asks, not really caring one way or another, but felt like he owed some sort of conversation, though he little felt like it.

"Oh, definitely not!" she says with a laugh. "It was left by a previous tenant. Well, I say tenant, but they were also my friend. A lot of stuff gets left by previous tenant's."

She seems to get lost in thought for a moment before perking up and clapping her hands. "Well! Enough of that! It's late and after what you and your friend have been through, I am sure that you're tired." She takes him back to the room where Sebastian still lay. He was still out and looked like he hadn't awoken in the time Ciel had changed clothes. Near the bed was a small cot that had been piled with a pillow and blanket.

"I'm sorry, but I don't have any spare bed's other than that one. You can take my bed, if you'd like, and I'll stay close to keep an eye on your friend. I probably won't get much sleep this night anyhow. Not that that is unusual." she adds with a small laugh.

"No. That won't be necessary," he says. "I...would like to stay close to him." Hurt or not, if- _when_ -Sebastian awoke, if something happened, being as close to him as possible would be a good thing.

Her expression softens. "Of course. I understand. I'll just check on him periodically, then. I phoned the doctor's, but apparently he had left suddenly just a short while ago. But!" she says, as if wanting to reassure him. "As I said, I have training as well, so I can look after your friend just fine."

"The doctor suddenly left?"

Her expression seems to cloud for a moment before she smiles. "Ah, yes. Sometimes he gets called out for emergency cases; there isn't many places near here, but there's enough to keep him busy besides our small town."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

He had expected to sleep fitfully, what with all of the stress, the situation with Sebastian, and everything else, but he falls asleep easily. Still, it only seems like a few minutes-when it is most likely hours-when he gets jolted awake. He looks blearily around, feeling around in the dark to make sure his eyepatch is in place and stops, trying to place the noise. It was coughing. Hard, labored coughing. From where Sebastian lay.

He makes his way up out of the cot, curiosity finding the better of him in his tired state, and moves to the butler, looking down at him. It looked as though he had gotten fresh bandages just recently (the woman, Kyrie, _had_ said she would be keeping an eye on him. To see Sebastian in such a state was very unnerving. The demon was his ultimate tool in getting his revenge and had never, ever, failed him. Only once had he seen him even close to such a state as this and that was after the events on the Campania. But even then, as hurt as he had been, it had been swift that his wounds healed. He hadn't labored for breath like a common human, he hadn't let injury get in the way of fighting.

He starts to turn back towards the cot when he notices Sebastian growing still. He looks down at his face and sees the fluttering of Sebastian's long eyelashes. For the first time in many hours, the demon's eyes open.

And look directly at Ciel.

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I hope you enjoyed this!

Let me know what you thought!

-PhoenixJustice


	3. That Butler, Recover

Behind My Pride   
By: PhoenixJustice  
  
Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is owned by Yana Toboso. I only own this story and make no profit from this.  
Warning: Rated M for future sexual content, underage, slash, language, violence, etc.  
Pairing: eventual Sebastian Michaelis/Ciel Phantomhive, etc.  
Setting: Post-Green Witch Arc. Spoilers for the entire manga.  
Summary: Trapped and put at a disadvantage that he had never dealt with before, he struggles to regain everything he once knew. Struggles to deal with Sebastian in a place, a situation, he had never envisioned.  
  
 _ **Bold italicized words (when someone speaks German.)**_  
  
 _Italics are thoughts._  
  
 **Bold is flashbacks.**  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
Three - That Butler, Recover  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
He starts to speak but stops as he sees Sebastian's eyes were not very focused. He still must be quite delirious from pain and who knew what else; he had no idea of how things were affecting the demon, compared to how it would a human. All he knew was that Sebastian had been injured somehow by the guns, when they had never even been a threat or worry before and had collapsed in this small town.  
  
The demon's eyes flutter back closed and his breathing seems to improve, with no more coughing, at least for the moment.  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
"What about infection?"  
  
"That _is_ a worry, I won't lie about that. But I'm doing all I can, the same as the doctor would if he were here. Luckily I still hadn't run out of supplies to take care of your friend."  
  
"Hn." Here came the struggle within himself; not exactly ungratefulness versus the rebellious part in him not wanting to tell anyone a thank you. He was an Earl, thank you very much. People told _him_ thank you, not the other way around. The only exception was the Queen (for obvious reasons.)  
  
She seems to see the struggle on his face and takes pity on him. "But I'm sure he'll be fine. I don't know him, of course, but he seems strong enough; I've seen wounds like that fell many a man very quickly." _Well, that **is** a demon for you. Though he still doesn't seem quite right, right now..._  
  
"But enough of that!" she continues, clapping her hands. "Now, I don't mind helping either of you two out--it'd be absolutely cruel to turn you away--but taking care of your friend Sebastian _does_ limit me on what I can do, so I'd like to get some help from you taking care of a few things, if I could."  
  
Inexplicably he was reminded of Joker and the Circus. Kyrie and Joker both had happy personalities, which certainly went against his own, but at least it looked like he wouldn't have to pretend in front of her as much as he had Joker and put on a false smile all the time. Sebastian being injured was just a good an excuse as any other as why he might be a bit more gloomy or the like.  
  
"A-alright."  
  
Her smile softens. "Now I don't expect _too_ much out of you--as small as you are, you couldn't carry too much, but I'm sure I can find a few things for you that won't be overly strenuous." She winks.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
And so it was, for the next few hours, that he puts things away in the house, cleans up the floors, the dishes, mundane things like that. Mundane, but certainly things he didn't normally take care of. He has to take a few breaks, panting. Lord, it was a wonder how anyone could get through this much (that wasn't a demon.) He would certainly make sure to make Sebastian pay extra for this once he was...once he was well.  
  
Kyrie checks on him a few times, nodding and smiling at his progress. He supposed it helped that she wasn't watching him the whole time he was doing it and he didn't hear anything bad about what he had accomplished.  
  
He eventually sighs and sits down in one of her wooden chairs in her small kitchen. Compared to his it was positively miniscule, but at least it was clean (thanks to him.)  
  
She sets down a plate of sandwiches. His stomach grumbles against his will at the sight, causing him to blush in embarrassment, but all she does it smile and take one for herself, pushing the rest towards Ciel. He starts eating, trying to ignore the eyes on him, trying to do it without thinking of all his lessons on etiquette and how they would surely be laughing at him now. A sudden thought strikes him, as he is in the middle of his second sandwich, and he sets it down, wiping his face with as much dignity as he can muster.  
  
"I...well you've done so much for us already, but..." he trails off. _Play it off_ , he tells himself. _Indignities are something that can be taken care of later._   
  
"Yes? What do you need?"  
  
"I wanted to try and get a letter out." he says a bit more seriously, more like himself.   
  
Her eyes widen. "Oh my! I didn't even think--I'm so sorry. I was so caught up in taking care of him that I... Of course you can. I'll take care of whatever the cost is." She gives him another smile. He nods at her, doing his best to give a smile. He may not have to give a fake smile _all_ the time, like he did with Joker, but sometimes it fit the occasion to do so, to get what one needed.  
  
She leaves the table, coming back a moment later with some writing implements and paper.  
  
"I'll give you some privacy. Just come up when you're done--I'll be checking on Sebastian--and I'll see about getting it out, alright?"  
  
He nods, already starting to think about what he wanted to write down. She leaves and he stares at the paper at the moment. It wasn't often that he was in this position. And most always Sebastian was at his side, which made things much easier to deal with. As it was, it was much more difficult. Should he try and get ahold of his own household? The Queen? What would benefit the situation...   
  
Hmm. Well considering all they had just been doing, it was most likely best to inform his household first. As inept as they might be in the more mundane things, they had yet to fail him in the ways of fighting and the ways that truly mattered. He frowns as he feels a faint spark of respect and pride. Feelings like that always made him uneasy.  
  
He quickly pens a letter telling them as much as he felt he needed to in the letter, including the town they were in, _Tier der Sterne_. He is in the middle of signing his name down when he hears the thundering of Kyrie's feet as she comes down the stairs, startling him, barely finishing as she rushes in the room. Her eyes were wide.  
  
"He's awake. And he's asking for you. More like demanding, really. It was all I could do to keep him down to come get you. Hurry."  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
She looks at both of them before closing the door behind her, offering them some privacy, clutching Ciel's letter in hand. He looks as he sees Sebastian wheezing, struggling weakly, trying to get out of bed.  
  
"Stop."  
  
Sebastian stills and looks up. Ciel stares down at him.  
  
"Young Master. I," Sebastian says, grimacing in obvious pain. "I apologize most deeply. I--"  
  
"Will be staying in bed." Ciel says in a tone that brook no argument. "As much as I'd love to leave this place, you're in no place to be going anywhere right now."  
  
Sebastian winces, though it looked like it was due to more than pain. "I apologize. For the Young Master to see me in this state is unforgivable."  
  
He stares at Sebastian for a moment. It was very unnerving, this experience, seeing Sebastian this way.  
  
"Just get well." he says gruffly. "You will rest until you get better." He pulls the patch over his eye briefly. "That is an order."  
  
Sebastian could not bow, obviously, but he inclines his head as much as possible. "Yes, My Lord."  
  
He replaces the eyepatch. "Good. Because you will certainly pay me back for all the work I've had to do." He smirks at Sebastian. The demon seems to give a ghost of a smile or smirk in return. He lays back upon the bed, eyes closing once more, and Ciel leaves the room.  
  
He leaves the house. It would be a good time to stretch his legs and check out the town. There was always the bit of danger, considering Sebastian wasn't at his side, but if the alarm hadn't been sounded yet as they were getting chased, then they might still have extra time on their side. He hadn't heard anything from Kyrie about angry German's running around their town, looking for someone or someones.  
  
It was an eclectic looking town, with Germans mingling with many other races. A lot of the buildings had their own sort of style, decorated rather colorfully and brightly. He spots what looks like a small library and a few other buildings of the sort. Eventually he sighs, leaning back against a wall. While the town wasn't _large_ , it was still much more walking than he was used to. He could only hope the letter would get to them soon enough. But without Sebastian and his otherworldly skill, it would still take a good amount of time to get to England.   
  
Which left him here.  
  
He sighs.  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
Sebastian's eyes widen. "Young Master, I--"  
  
"Be quiet." Ciel hisses quietly. "She cannot know of our true relationship. You are simply my...mentor right now, in acting. You cannot call me Young Master in front of her. And a mentor would look after his...charge, so for the time being I will have to stay in here as well. I expect no words from you about this. Understand? "  
  
Sebastian nods. It wouldn't be the first time they had to go undercover to do something, but it _would_ be the first time they stayed in the same room for an extended period of time together; back in the Circus, they had stayed in separate tents, after all.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
It's another two days of doing odd job work for Kyrie around her house. Sebastian wasn't still his old self, but he seemed to be improving better than Kyrie expected. For Ciel's part, it was the least he expected.   
  
Two more days go by and no returning letter, though he hadn't really expected much.  
  
He starts to run out of things in Kyrie's house to do, however, by her own admission.   
  
"I don't think I've ever seen my house so clean. I don't think there's anything else you can really do here right now." she says ruefully, coming out of what had been his and Sebastian's room the past few days (and hadn't _that_ been awkward!)  
  
Good. Maybe he'd get a bit more rest then and--  
  
"So! How about you come and see my work instead?" she finishes with a smile, clapping her hands.  
  
He holds back a groan.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
"I had thought you were an artist." he says aloud, without really thinking.   
  
She raises an eyebrow at him as they walk. "I am. In a couple different regards. Painting is what I suppose you could call a 'hobby' as I don't make money for it, but it's a passion of mine. Same with acting. I run the local theater here."  
  
Now it's _his_ turn for his brows to raise. "Oh. And you've been taking care of...my friend...all this time." Manners came naturally to him, but the more pleasant ones were harder than the others to get out sometimes. "I apologize."  
  
She waves off his apology. "No harm done. I have a good group under me, so I knew they could handle it. And they understand the need to take care of someone who has been hurt. I can't say that they aren't anxious to meet both of you though!"  
  
What an odd woman. A woman who was an artist as well as running her own theater and also had some sort of medical training. Against his will he finds himself curious, wanting to know more.  
  
They get to the building. By the standards of the theater's in London, it was positively tiny but it looked in good shape, longer than it was tall.   
  
"I hope you take no offense to this, Ciel, but you seem older than your years. You said you're thirteen, correct?"  
  
He nods. He'd be fourteen soon enough. An age he honestly thought for a long while he would never see, same with thirteen. After being locked in those smelly cages, with the eyes of all those foul people on him, the memory of slick blood as another next to him gets killed, the sounds of--  
  
He shakes it off mentally, cursing himself for allowing himself to dwell on those memories. He was not in that cage anymore, he was not a sacrifice any longer. He was an Earl with a Demon on his side.  
  
"Yes. I..." he hesitates now. To be thankful to other people was something he didn't deal with or feel often. But he did now. "I appreciate the fact that you do not talk down to me, due to my age."  
  
She shrugs, as if it was nothing. "If there is anything I have learned in my years upon this Earth, is that one should never just look at the outside appearance of someone. That leads to...folly." Here now he sees the first real hesitation on her face, as if remembering something or thinking of something in particular. She seems to realize and shakes it off, smiling.  
  
"But enough of that! Let's meet my crew."  
  
And she opens the door.  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
There was hustle and bustle everywhere, with people moving about, some shouting ordes, some telling some other people jokes that makes Ciel blush as he hears them. People of all different colors, hair colors, clothing, but all with smiles upon their faces.  
  
Most give their greetings to Kyrie and eye Ciel curiously (which he does his best to ignore). Eventually they reach the back, where some people were setting things up (or taking things off) what was obviously the main stage of the theater.   
  
"Oi! Finally show your face, do you?" a male voice says from the side of them, causing them to turn in the direction. It was a fairly tall and lanky man with short blond hair that stuck up every which way. But it was his eyes that struck Ciel. There was something about them that struck him as familiar, though he knew with fair certainty that he had never seen the man--who looked to be about thirty--before.  
  
Kyrie merely sticks her hands on her hips, sticking her tongue out at him as if she were a child. "I was busy. I told you all on the phone!"  
  
He smirks. "Riiight. Leave us to do all the heavy lifting while you get to take care of a handsome man that needs you?"  
  
She lets out a huff, rolling her eyes. "You're just jealous."  
  
He outright laughs now. It was obvious from their banter that it was just that--banter. They seemed like good friends. He turns his eyes now from her to Ciel. "Ah! This must be the other young man you were talking about. Ciel, right?"  
  
Ciel nods and only glances at the man's outstretched hand for a second before taking it. He feels something like an electric feeling and he cannot help a gasp escaping him. The man's smile deepens and the nagging feeling hits Ciel again, something striking him as familiar about this man. The moment--and feeling--passes and he releases Ciel's hand, sticking his own hands in his pants.  
  
"Henry is our playwright. He's our little secret, so no telling, okay?" Kyrie says playfully in a loud whisper, a finger to her lips.  
  
Ciel nods gamely enough. Too happy types tended to irritate him. He didn't feel quite as irritated as he expected to, however; something about the situation, maybe?  
  
"And this playwright needs to get the finishing touches on...well, better not say; you'll see soon enough." He gives them both a saucy wink and walks off, whistling.  
  
After that he gets introduced to a few of the others; the seamstress Molly, a few of the actors (Helga 'Yes, my parents have given me the height of common German names. What of it?' who was blonde haired and blue eyed. Eric, who was of brown hair and green eyes 'Came from America. Had only planned to visit here. That was six years ago. Was taken by Kyrie and her troop of actors.' and Gemma (pale, pale blonde hair and light blue eyes) 'It was easy to get accustomed to life here. I came from a town like this in Japan. I'm a half, you see.') and the co-director (Kyrie was the other director) Alain ('It's pronounced 'Uh-layn.' People keep trying to call me Alan, when it's not. Just giving you fair warning now.' 'It's his pet peeve,' Kyrie whispers as he leaves.)  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
"Well! Picture me surprised."  
  
"Is that-ah--a good thing?" Sebastian asks, as she finishes re-bandaging him. It was the first time since they had ended up on her doorstep, so to speak, that he was able to sit up on his own. He was still hurting, but not quite as much as someone whom had been shot not so long ago.   
  
"It is. You must be one lucky man. You're healing up quite nicely. I haven't spotted any sign of infection. You'll still need to be careful, but I think you'll be able to start getting up and about--provided you don't move around too much, of course," she adds, with a stern face.  
  
He nods. He wasn't used to this. Not the being taken care of thing--he had experience with that in the past with a Contractee whom had wanted someone to take care of--but the fact of being laid out like this. He was a Demon. His own standing in the fiery depths was one which would probably surprise even his own Young Master. But he did these things, not just for a way to feed, but because it helped deal with the utter boredom that Hell--as humans liked to call it (his kind had another name for it)--provided.  
  
Even when dealing with the Bizarre Dolls, Undertaker, and the Shinigami on board the Campania--and the resulting fight with the Bizarre Dolls off of the ship--he had never gotten hurt like this. He had certainly felt the sting of pain--which could sometimes be oh so delicious--back then, but it had quickly healed after. This was...this almost human pain and healing unnerved him in a way that almost nothing else did.  
  
"I will." he promises, the usual smile upon his face. After his time as a butler (and even before then, in his dealings with some of the people whom he made a Contract with), he had gotten good at expressions, even when he often did not mean them. "If I may ask, where is...?" He looks at the door behind her questioningly.  
  
"Oh. Ciel? He went to take a walk."  
  
 _And check for a letter, perhaps?_ The Young Master had yet to get a response back, in the days they had been here. He knew it frustrated him; especially so, since Sebastian was not well enough to get a quicker response. He could, of course, _order_ Sebastian to do so, but the Earl was not stupid. Naive, in certain situations, as a human could be, but most certainly not stupid (Sebastian himself had been teaching him, after all.)  
  
"I got some clothes that I think will fit you." The woman, Kyrie, says, bringing him back out of thought. "Do you want some help with them or--"  
  
He smiles again at her, knowing the smile was a good way to please people, as it had done so many times in the past. "Watashi wa sore o jibun jishin o atsukau koto ga dekimasu, Kyrie-san*."   
  
Her eyes widen in surprise--and apparent pleasure--in his speaking Japanese. "You two never told me you speak Japanese!" she says in a playful scolding tone. "Anata no akusento ga sutekidesu.**"  
  
 _Well I have spent more years than you could conceive in places upon the Earth._   
  
"Ah. I speak it, but my friend does not." It might be good to teach him, though. They had been working on German even more after the events with Sieglinde Sullivan (the 'Green Witch') but it could be of benefit to teach the Young Master another language sooner, rather than later. He himself, knew all the languages that humans spoke (including those that were dead languages now), so it would not be as hard to teach him.  
  
She gives him a smile and waves as she leaves, leaving him to get dressed on his own. He, instead of reaching for the clothes, closes his eyes, pulling deep into himself into that deep dark well that made up much of who and what he was. But nothing comes. He can feel it there, simmering, but it does not respond to his call as it would normally. He tries again. And again. And again. Nothing.  
  
He comes back up with a small gasp. He shakes his head, ignoring the shaking in his hand as he reaches for the pants in the chair--  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
Sebastian's hands just finish up buttoning up the long black shirt (buttoned in front), frowning as the door, slamming loudly.  
  
His eyebrows raise up high on his head. "Young Master?"  
  
The Earl does not berate Sebastian like he normally would. His breathing was erratic and his eye is wide in his face.   
  
"Young Master?" he repeats. "What is wrong?"  
  
Ciel looks up at him. He shakes his head for a moment, before seemingly steeling himself, looking at Sebastian.  
  
"We're stuck."  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
* = I can handle it myself.  
** = Your accent is wonderful.  
  
I hope you enjoyed this!  
  
Let me know what you thought!  
  
\--PhoenixJustice


	4. That Butler, Trapped

Behind My Pride

By: PhoenixJustice

Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is owned by Yana Toboso. I only own this story and make no profit from this.

Warning: Rated M for future sexual content, underage, slash, language, violence, etc.

Pairing: eventual Sebastian Michaelis/Ciel Phantomhive, etc.

Setting: Post-Green Witch Arc. Spoilers for the entire manga.

Summary: Trapped and put at a disadvantage that he had never dealt with before, he struggles to regain everything he once knew. Struggles to deal with Sebastian in a place, a situation, he had never envisioned.

_**Bold italiced words (when someone speaks German.)** _

_Italics are thoughts._

**Bold is flashbacks.**

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Four - That Butler, Trapped

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Sebastian's brows burrow in obvious confusion.

"Trapped? What do you mean?" He asks, just refraining from saying Young Master again. It was something he'd have to work on. They must play the parts. And usually it wasn't an issue, but he was still injured, weakened beyond what he had been hurt before (and so was not thinking quite as clearly as he'd like.)

"I went for another walk after checking the mail," Ciel says, obviously still frustrated that he had yet to receive a mail in reply to his yet. "I was leaning against a wall, but no, I only _thought_ I was. It took longer than I'd like to notice, but I did notice it. I wasn't leaning against a wall; _I was leaning against nothing_."

He could picture it fairly clearly, the Young Master taking a breath after walking so much (it was something he was not used to doing so much, after all) before finally noticing that he was leaning against apparent air, nothingness. But what did that mean?

"A barrier of some sort?" he murmurs.

Ciel nods, looking frustrated again. "I thought something of the same. Do you," he hesitates, obviously hating that he had to ask, but they were currently on their alone, alone, and had no others. He couldn't exactly be the Earl here, not in a situation such as this and it seemed like he was starting to get that. "Do you think that it was Undertaker's doing?"

Now it is his turn to wonder. He puts a hand to his chin. "Possibly," he says thoughtfully. "We do not know the full extent of his powers yet; he is obviously a formidable, despite being a _former_ Shinigami, so I could see it being possible. We will have to check things out and see what we can do."

Ciel almost looks ready to argue at that, but grudgingly nods. Sebastian holds back a snort, before becoming serious once more. "If that is the case, perhaps _that_ is why you have not gotten a reply back from anyone at the Manor yet."

Ciel's eye widens, as if he didn't think of that. "We'll have to test that out then." Ciel says, more a demand than a statement. Sebastian tips his head in acknowledgement. He starts to follow Ciel out of the room, before pausing briefly (which Ciel does not notice) looking down at his hand.

He wore no gloves.

The gloves he had had on when they arrived were _more_ than ruined, by blood, dirt, gore, all of that. He had been without them since almost the entire time.

Which meant that the Pact mark was visible (and had been so the whole time.)

Why had Kyrie not reacted to it?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Sebastian touches the space with a frown. It did not give way.

They had come to the small alleyway that Ciel had first discovered the 'barrier' so as not to be disturbed. It seemed to be one of those areas that had been built weird, so there was a small area in between buildings that few knew about. The hole that led to the outside was, he knew, something that someone had created themselves, rather than having been built that way (he could tell from the knocked out bricks, and some of the holes.) He knew that other people could get through to the outside of the town fine-he had seen so for himself, but when he tries-after Ciel tries and fails again to get through-he too gets stopped by the invisible barrier.

He had never seen something that would affect a demon and a human so equally.

He finally turns back to Ciel, holding back a frown.

"What shall we do now?" he asks the young Earl.

Ciel looks angry, though not at Sebastian; more at himself. "I...don't know." he admits, muttering the words. "As it is, without some way to research it, we're stuck. If _you_ don't know what it is," At Sebastian's shake of the head, he continues. "Then there isn't much we can do at the moment. I've checked the libraries, but this town is small. Even if if the town had been the size of London, I'm not too sure we'd find information for something this specialized."

"Hn. I believe you are correct." Sebastian says, a hand underneath his chin in thought. He felt rather naked without the gloves he was so used to wearing most always, wondering idly if he could get a pair from Kyrie. "In that case, I believe all we can do is check on this barrier daily. I do now know what _this_ kind of barrier is, but from what I _do_ know of barriers I know that most tend to degrade very quickly and are gone within hours or days. Very few that I have ever come across have ever lasted a week."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

So they started to check on it. The first couple of days go by pretty quickly, thanks to helping Kyrie at her theater (which tended to take up much of the day.) They didn't do much; cleaned a bit of the floor, moved clothing, stage props, things of that nature. Sebastian was, of course, much better at it than Ciel but even he had to admit that Ciel wasn't terrible at it. The Earl wasn't used to much manual labor (tending to leave it to Sebastian and his other staff) but the days cleaning in Kyrie's place as well as in the theater now had helped him get better at it. Certainly much more, than the time at the Noah's Ark Circus. Though perhaps if they had had more time there, then he would have improved more. They'd never know now.

On the third day he approaches Kyrie after he checks on the barrier (they switched each day) about a spare pair of gloves.

Her brow raises, opening up a box that had arrived to the theater only minutes earlier. It seemed to hold new costumes. "Gloves? I should have some spares lying around." She pauses for a moment, pondering, then smiles. "I think I can do better than an old pair though." She rummages through the box, before giving a little "aha!". In her hands was a pair of white gloves. That shouldn't surprise him, but it does.

The gloves look _exactly_ like the ones he usually wore (and if he had the power, he'd have just created some out of thin air, but he was still sadly lacking in that. And how pathetic a demon was he, that he couldn't even create a simple pair of gloves right now? The power was still there within him, thankfully. But it still needed time.)

As a demon he could obviously see and hear things better than normal humans, as well as other things besides. So he could notice details in a much more defined way than a human could. These were the same as the gloves he always wore, right down to the creases.

His brows furrow. "What-"

She smiles again, handing them over. "I noticed that you seemed to be hiding your hands as much as you could while working. You don't need to worry; we all have secrets here and we've all been through a lot. None of us would judge for your past experiences, nor would anyone press the matter. But if you feel more secure with them on, then you can definitely use them. I just ask for one thing."

"Yes? What might that be?" She was certainly an odd duck. But Sebastian liked that. The majority of humanity bored him to no end; they had no real character, no idiosyncrasy. He liked to find those who were different than the rest of the masses of sheep that most other humans were. Ciel Phantomhive had been a veritable treasure of gold, mixed between hunks of tin and copper.

She tells him. And his eyes get wide.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Where is Sebastian?"

"Ah, he was talking to Henry." Kyrie replies, sorting through a box of clothes. He heard from Gemma that they had just come in, specially made. For a small town theater, they certainly went through a lot of effort. "They should be coming-ah! There you two are!"

He turns to look at the door which had just open.

And stares.

Sebastian was dressed like... _Sebastian_.

He looked rather calm and unruffled. Henry, the playwright, stood next to him with a wide grin, a stack of paper in his hands.

"I'm just glad you're finally done. I thought you'd take _forever_ to finish!" Kyrie scolds playfully, hands on her hips.

Henry shrugs, still grinning. "Ah, I just needed the right inspiration to finish the play! Having these two show up has definitely been a godsend."

Ciel looks at Sebastian questioningly, but Sebastian makes the barest shake of his head. Henry steps forward but he moves to stand in front of Ciel, not Kyrie. He hands the paper over to Ciel. It was obviously the finished work that the playwright had just finished.

The title on the cover has him quirking an eyebrow.

_The Most Beautiful Death in the World_.

It certainly had a macabre sort of ring to it that he could appreciate.

"Go on," Henry says, almost urgently. "Take a look at some of it and let me know what you think."

He starts to look through the first couple of pages and he gasps as he reads it. His eye finds Sebastian who didn't look surprised at what Ciel was reading (Henry must have had him read it first.)

The contents were about _him and Sebastian._ Specifically, during the time when they dealt with the Shinigami's Eric and Alan. Something that Henry couldn't have _possibly_ known about.

"So? What do you think?" Henry asks, with a grin.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

A/N: Those who know about the Kuroshitsuji musicals should certainly know what it is that Ciel is reading. XD

I hope you enjoyed this!

Let me know what you thought!

-PhoenixJustice


	5. That Butler, Play

Behind My Pride

By: PhoenixJustice

Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is owned by Yana Toboso. I only own this story and make no profit from this.

Warning: Rated M for future sexual content, underage, slash, language, violence, etc.

Pairing: eventual Sebastian Michaelis/Ciel Phantomhive, etc.

Setting: Post-Green Witch Arc. Spoilers for the entire manga.

Summary: Trapped and put at a disadvantage that he had never dealt with before, he struggles to regain everything he once knew. Struggles to deal with Sebastian in a place, a situation, he had never envisioned.

_**Bold italiced words (when someone speaks German.)** _

_Italics are thoughts._

**Bold is flashbacks.**

A/N: Some lyrics taken from the second Kuroshitsuji musical.

A/N 2: To address a few people's questions: The barrier is not the fourth wall, nor are they (Sebastian and Ciel) in an imaginary area where they could meet other people like Hamlet, etc.

Which leaves the question(s) still being: what is the barrier and how does Henry know of any of Ciel's past?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Five - That Butler, Play

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Their names were different, but it was certainly referencing to them.

In this, his name was Sora and Sebastian's Yoru, but certainly it was referencing them. Other names remained unchanged, only theirs, for whatever reason, had been changed.

"Sometimes we might change the names to Himmel and Nacht, but other than that, everything should remain the same."

"It's..." Ciel starts. He puts on a smile, hoping it did not look sickly. "It's certainly something...special." _My life, written upon its pages..._ "But why show this to me? I am no playwright. I can admire good work, but-"

Henry looks at him confused, turning to Kyrie. "You didn't tell him. Ask him, I mean."

She shakes her head. "I hadn't the time to yet. Plus I wanted him to see the script and see what he thought of the play first."

"Ask me what?" He glances back at Sebastian again, all regaled in his usual wear. Sebastian merely gives him a bland smile in return.

"I wanted you to be my Himmel, my Sora." Henry says, excitement in his eyes and face again. "I had you in mind for this as I wrote it."

He was a bit stunned, to say the least. "Me?"

"Sebastian seemed to like the idea as well." Henry continues, glancing over at Sebastian, who gives more of a genuine looking smile now, more of a smirk really. He always loved seeing Ciel in unusual situations like this! He'd find a way to make the demon pay later, when they were back to proper civilization. For now though, they were literally stuck. And if he must make due...well, he certainly had a lot of experience at acting.

"I...I could give it a try." He finally says. It was his life after all, written all over these pages. Who better than him to play Ciel Phantomhive, cloaked with the names of either Himmel or Sora. Himmel was German, as was Nacht. He knew what they both meant: Sky and Night, which must mean that Sora and Yoru must mean the same in Japanese. The town Tier der Sterne was an eclectic mix of mostly Germans and Japanese folks, so it'd make sense they'd want to cater to both crowds and swap the names of the main characters at different times.

"Wonderful!" Kyrie says, clapping her hands together. "I had hoped you say yes. I have some clothes I've been wanting you to try-" And just like that, he's taken off by Kyrie, who was now looking a lot closer to Nina Hopkins in attitude now as she goes to get him all dolled up.

Henry lets out a chuckle. "She's been all but hiding the clothes from him. I haven't seen her this excited in a long time."

"Yes." Sebastian replies, smiling back. His mind was whirling with many thoughts. "She looked quite happy."

Many thoughts. Like how this human had written down details of his and the Young Master's life. Something about this man's eyes reminded him of something familiar and it irritated him that he could not quite remember, blaming it on his still healing constitution. If he _ate_ , then perhaps he would heal faster...but no. He mustn't. Not for any sort of _moral_ reason, of course, but because of the rules he set for himself. He must not forget his aesthetics; they were what separated the true Demons from the pieces of filth who wanted to call themselves demons.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

It felt like the weirdest dress up and yet the most familiar to him at all. The material was _slightly_ coarser than his usual clothing, but only slightly. It was not uncomfortable.

"Perfect!" Kyrie says, happily. "I am _so_ happy you said yes, Ciel. You'll love this! I promise you."

"Hnn." He says. Then belatedly realizes he should probably at least _sound_ a bit more grateful. "Yes, I mean. Thank you. This should be...interesting."

Interesting indeed.

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Rehearsal was...odd. Luckily they were starting with just him and Sebastian interacting, which helped a little bit, but it was still odd to be saying lines of things he had said before. He remembered some of the things he had said, but it was more remembering the situation, rather than the words. Which led him to have to memorize _things that he had said, did, before_.

Sebastian, of course, does it easily. He idly wonders, as he skims through his lines, if Sebastian had actual acting experience, or it was yet another thing the Demon butler was just good at. Maybe it had to come with practice, like with Sebastian's skills as a butler. He was flawless now, even that Ciel could admit to, but he hadn't started out that way. It had been a process, both of them, Ciel learning to be an Earl and Sebastian learning to be a Butler.

It...hadn't been a bad time.

"Once more, Ciel! From the top!" Kyrie says, her voice more serious and businesslike now.

He holds back a sigh.

It wouldn't be so bad going over these lines, if-and herein lie the sole difference in the script and what happened with Ciel-it wasn't a bloody musical!

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"Not too bad, Young Master." Sebastian says with a small chuckle. "Though I shall have to teach you a bit about your pitches."

Ciel flushes, glaring at Sebastian before turning away from him. "I thought I told you not to call me that, Sebastian." He says stiffly. "And I need not explain myself to _you_."

"Oh?" Sebastian says behind him, mischief in his tone. Ciel stiffens as Sebastian speaks, but this time much closer behind him, startling him. "My apologies. I shall endeavor to do better." It was quiet for a moment and Sebastian starts to speak again, this time with an almost hesitancy to his tone. "C-"

He gets interrupted by the door behind them opening.

"Ahh! There you two are!" Henry says, happily. "I hope the roles are to your liking?"

"Very much, Henry." Sebastian says smoothly. Ciel turns and sees him near the door, looking as unruffled as he always did.

"I do need to go over a couple of minor musical changes to your part of ' _Black and White_ ' Sebastian, so could we go over it in my office?" Henry inquires.

Sebastian nods. "Of course."

With a final glance at Ciel, Sebastian leaves with Henry, the door closing with a thump.

Ciel sits there for a moment, frowning.

Had...had Sebastian been about to call Ciel by his given name?

He wondered why that bothered him.

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And it goes like that for the next few days, with most of their time rehearsing the play (Kyrie wanted a showing soon, so everyone-not just Ciel and Sebastian-were working hard to get everything ready. It really showed Ciel how much went into the smallest of details and why so many hands were in fact needed for a show.

They both also took their usual shifts in checking the barrier, but with no change. And with no new information or information about the barrier in general, all they could do was check it daily and hope for some sort of change. And it didn't matter where in the city Ciel tried to check (same with Sebastian, as Sebastian informs him), it all acted the same, with them unable to leave. No changes, nothing new, so all Ciel could do was throw himself into the role of Sora (right now they were going with the Japanese names) and hope for the best-something he was not at all good with or equipped for.

Also, using the Japanese names left Henry in a "new writing state" according to him, so he wanted the _songs_ to be sung in Japanese, a language Ciel was very unfamiliar with. So he was left to look to Sebastian (again) for guidance.

**"Not enough inflection. Try again."**

**"I** _**am** _ **trying." Ciel says, gritting his teeth in annoyance. Sebastian was a tough teacher. It got the results, true, but it didn't mean that Ciel had to** _**like** _ **it.**

**Sebastian was much the tutor, though he lacked the usual clothing he would wear as he taught Ciel. His bearing, posture, attitude, all of that was the same though, which left no doubt as to what he was doing.**

**"Japanese songs can sound completely different, if using the wrong inflection," Sebastian says, face calm as he looks at Ciel, arms crossed. He was all of the the tutor, but still-somehow-with the unusual-for him-clothing, it made things feel...** _**different** _ **somehow. Sebastian seemed...calmer, maybe? No, calm wasn't the word; calm was something Sebastian could turn on at the drop of a hat (even if he didn't actually feel that emotion at the time.)**

**Perhaps it was...** _**casual** _ **? Casual. Things felt more casual, in a weird way, leaving Ciel to not know how to feel about it. He had never dealt with Sebastian in a situation like this, even in the time in the Circus, and it left him unable to know how to deal with it.**

**A slap across the small table startles Ciel, pulling him out of his thoughts.**

**"Again." Sebastian repeats.**

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The music starts for the new song, _Black and White_ , leaving Ciel to inwardly take a breath. He must not let any of that show now; he was Ciel Phantomhive. No, now he was Sora, Master of the Phantom Estate. He would wear his face proudly, an Earl of lineage, with dignity.

He turns to look at Sebastian, Sebastian in his butler wear, looking, for all that it was usual, _unusual_ to Ciel. Perhaps it was due to all of these days of seeing Sebastian dressed differently, having to act differently (in ways.) But now he was no longer Sebastian on this stage. He was Yoru; A high ranking Demon of Hell, working for Sora, his new Master.

Sebastian starts to sing, his voice deep.

"Anata no sono koe yoru ni hibiku. Keiyaku no moto nii negau mama nii."

(Your voice echoes in the night. I will do as you wish, as stated in the contract.)

Now was Ciel's part and he is proud of himself, that his voice does not crack on the words.

"Omae wa akumade Tada no tegoma, Boku no te no hira de Yoru ni odoru."

(You are a demon, just a pawn. You will dance in the night on the palm of my hand.)

_I will receive checkmate. Even if it takes years. I will get what I have worked this hard for. I have even given myself up willingly to a demon to get that measure of revenge. For my pride..._

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It had been nerve wrecking at first, trying to ignore the audience so he doesn't lose his nerve, but he gets through it. The applause from the audience is thunderous, surprising him. He startles, unable to stop himself, when he feels someone take his hand. He turns to look.

It was Sebastian.

Before Ciel can even begin to form a sentence about that, he feels another tug on his other hand and sees Alexia (who plays Grell), grabbing onto his hand.

Oh.

He reddens in embarrassment. Of course; they all, in finishes, linked hands, bowing to the crowd in thanks.

He bows with everyone, feeling the burn of Sebastian's hand in his.

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A/N: I adore Yuya's Sebastian from the musicals with all of my being and I love his singing voice (both in it as well as outside of the musicals) but he is not exactly whom I imagine Sebastian's singing voice to sound like. To me, Sebastian sounds like Takashi Kondo, the voice actor for Hibari Kyoya in Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

Kondo's singing voice is _exactly_ what I imagine Sebastian's singing voice to sound like. Look for the song _Hitori bocchi no Sadame_ and you'll hear how I imagine Sebastian to sound like. Which is funny, because in my Kuroshitsuji/KHR! crossover headcanon, it's actually _Mukuro_ who is the reincarnation for Sebastian (with Tsuna the reincarnation of Ciel.) But Mukuro's voice actor doesn't fit Sebastian's singing voice that I imagine (though I like his voice. His song with Kondo, _Sakura Addiction_ , is very good.)

Anyway! Getting off track! lol.

I hope you enjoyed this!

Let me know what you thought!

-Phoenixjustice


	6. That Butler, Steps Forward

Behind My Pride

By: PhoenixJustice

Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is owned by Yana Toboso. I only own this story and make no profit from this.

Warning: Rated M for future sexual content, underage, slash, language, violence, etc.

Pairing: eventual Sebastian Michaelis/Ciel Phantomhive, etc.

Setting: Post-Green Witch Arc. Spoilers for the entire manga.

Summary: Trapped and put at a disadvantage that he had never dealt with before, he struggles to regain everything he once knew. Struggles to deal with Sebastian in a place, a situation, he had never envisioned.

_**Bold italiced words (when someone speaks German.)** _

_Italics are thoughts._

**Bold is flashbacks.**

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Six - That Butler, Steps Forward

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The week goes by in a blur, with a show at the theater each night and he slowly gets used to the role. Each day checking the barrier also happens but there is still no change there (to Ciel's everlasting annoyance and disappointment.) The week passes and then another. And another.

And slowly things start to follow into a routine:

Awaken early (never something he was fond of), get cleaned and dressed before heading down to breakfast, where he'd hear about local news from Kyrie (and sometimes Sebastian as well-the demon knew how to portray the height of friendliness to people) and then would head down to the theater to either help with some of the odds and ends (like getting stage things ready) and go to rehearsal or would go straight to rehearsal, depending on either the day or how many hands were available. Then they'd either have a small meal before the show at the theater for the night or would have a larger one after the show. Then he'd collapse into bed and be ready to do it all again.

Of course there could be minor things here and there in the day, but that always varied.

It had taken more than a few days to get some semblance of order in his clothing. He was too used to Sebastian doing it for him and there had been more than one occasion he has to hold his tongue to order Sebastian to do it for him. While the Demon was still under Contract to him, they simply weren't in a position where he could order him to do much while being under the eyes of the small town-they were still a new thing to this town and new things meant exciting, especially for small towns whom didn't get much in the way of new things often; hence excitement. So he had to be careful in how he spoke to Sebastian and where.

Often times now Sebastian was his tutor in language as, being a Demon, he was fluent in all languages and Ciel needed to learn Japanese for his role, as well as continuing his study of German. He had a good grasp on it before they got stuck here in the town but more study of it (according to Sebastian) was never a bad thing, especially so since they had ample time here.

And with working together in the theater, it left him...feeling odd. He had worked with Sebastian on many a case before where they both had to work undercover. Many things had happened in-between the first time they had to this time. This was essentially the same thing.

So why did it feel different this time?

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Of all the things he had done since going into contract with Ciel Phantomhive, this might have been the most interesting thing he had done so far. It was especially amusing, the fact that it was something about the human's life and his own. Henry knowing the things he did was an interesting thing he wished to uncover more of. At leisure; leisure being something he had little of in the time as butler to the last Earl of Phantomhive. But being as trapped as they were in this town, time was something they had lots of. And time was, of course, a concept that he saw so infinitely differently than that of humans.

He was immortal, having been around since time immemorial. There were many benefits to being immortal, but there were drawbacks to everything.

To be bored, was essentially to die, even if not in truth. Not to Demons, anyhow. Witches, on the other hand, to be bored was to die. He had the pleasure of knowing a few Witches in his time now. So he started taking up Contracts with humans ages and ages ago, to stifle the boredom. He was one of the most high ranking demons in Hell, unlike those who usually took up Contract who were low leveled and most often unliked. They took up Contract to survive. The higher ranked demons like himself could go without Eating much easier than the lower ranked and though he would never say no to a good meal, it had been more about easing his own boredom by taking up Contracting than anything else.

Most humans only offered up morsels, only offered up a scant bit of boredom killing, though he had been lucky in finding a handful here and there that could offer a bit more of what he wanted. And he, of course, learned the fine art of making them more ready to Eat with each Contract he took, refined his style, gave them what they wanted-so he could get what he wanted later.

None had been as interesting as Ciel Phantomhive, however.

Pulled through the murk and darkness to find a child with a fire in his eyes, deep and burning hatred in them, the only thing that interested him in that entire room...it had been something. But he had seen that fire in many an eye before, so he needed more. He needed to see what this human could or would say. Would it be interesting enough to him, a Demon who always longed for more, than most? Most would say it unseemly, but those who would say those words would be the low life demons, the ones who would get slayed for doing so. And if higher leveled demons said it? Well, they wouldn't be punished as severely, but few got away with talking so to a Demon as highly ranked as he.

The human had wanted power; power to defeat those who had slighted him. Not for his lost parents, nor the the home and things he had lost, like so many would ask for, but for his own slighted pride. _Ah, yes_. he could remember thinking. _Finally one with true spirit_. It had been hard at first, learning the ways of a butler, but then he could think of it now with his own pride, at learning the things he had. None cut so elegant a figure as he as butler, surely.

But now? Now he was stuck. And though he had been in situations before that required him to try on and be other roles, this one felt...different (perhaps due to the nature of being stuck by some sort of magical effect and being without much of his powers for a time?) for some reason he could not quite put his finger on.

He was only Sebastian here.

And if he was only Sebastian, a name christened by a human who wished to protect his own pride, then what did that make that human, Ciel Phantomhive to him?

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The Earl was tired. He could see that easily, even without his Demon senses. Those same senses were coming back at a rate that left him a bit impatient, but he found he was grateful all the same. Whatever 'sickness' or spell or whatever it had been that had taken him, that had stripped him of his power, leaving him weak as a newborn kitten had taken its toll on him mentally even more so than physically. He had never come across anything, in his many, many, _many_ , years in existence that could so strip a Demon of its power, especially one of his rank.

It scared him. And that made him angry. There should be nothing that could or would scare him, or even make him _remember_ what fear was like.

But if he were to be true to himself, hadn't there been moments before this (when he had been stripped, even briefly, with his power coming back to him even now) when he had been afraid? Certainly that had been so, even if it was something he wished not to dwell on.

Campania. That came to mind easily. Fingertips away, Ciel Phantomhive fingertips away from him and he reached and reached-even through the utter pain, the searing fire in his veins from Undertaker's strike. Yet he still reached.

What went through his mind then? Other than the fear? Because He closes his eyes, thinking back. Even with his powers being as drained as they were, his mind still worked the same and thus he could go back to those memories with his perfect recall as always.

**"Sebastian!"**

To be thrust back into those memories by Undertaker, to go through the journey from the beginning. When his stiletto clacks upon the bloody stone floor, the dull, useless, eyes of those who went through so much trouble to Summon him and then-yes. The eyes of the one who _actually_ Summoned him. Light and hate and anger and passion all wrapped up in such a small body. _Ah yes_ , he could think. _Yes, that one would do just fine_.

And he had. Even in the small annoyances Sebastian had in learning the ways of a butler-allowed no longer to use his power in any big way (like instantly recreating the young Earl's burned down Manor)-he still found amusement for the first time in a long time. The Young Earl wished to find those who had hurt his pride? That was fine. It would offer Sebastian amusement that he had not seen in ages, or possibly even ever.

But then. He had seen the Earl through one trial after another; Jack the Ripper, the Circus, the Murders at their very own Manor, Campania, the School, Germany and their 'werewolves'...so very many things. And in doing so, he had been witness to the many moods, emotions, and facets of Ciel Phantomhive, had seen much more of him than he realized he would.

In accepting Contract with the young Earl, he hadn't expected much, perhaps a bit of amusement, but he would never have guessed that the Queen's Watchdog would become something _real_ to him.

His eyes pop back open at that and all he can do is to stare at the young Phantomhive lord.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Thank you for tonight! You have been the most lovely crowd!" crows Kyrie, hands outstretched.

The audience claps heartily and everyone on the stage bows once more. The curtain is drawn and people start talking among themselves as they leave. Sebastian tries to catch the Earl's eye, but he is easily lost in the small sea of crowd (as the Earl had been bowing on the opposite side of the stage where Sebastian stood.) He finally makes his way-as politely as he can, though he is rather not feeling it. He's feeling impatient, if he must be honest with himself, though for what reason he cannot guess-over to Kyrie. He taps her on the shoulder.

"Huh? Oh! Hello, Sebastian! What a wonderful showing!" She says happily. "Well, _all_ of the shows have been great, of course, but this time in particular-" She stops, taking in his expression. "You're looking for Ciel, aren't you?"

He nods. Her brow furrows for a moment, seemingly pondering something before looking back up at Sebastian.

"Can I ask you something, Sebastian?"

"You may." He says warily, though the urge to tell her to hurry up is strong in him.

"Why don't you ever call Ciel by name?"

His eyebrows raise in shock at that. She looks hesitant for a moment but pushes on.

"It's just-I know I don't know much about you two and all, but I like you both. You're well acquainted with each other, but you never call him by name though he has called you by yours. Many times."

He opens his mouth and then closes it right back. She was right of course. Though he _had_ nearly spoken the Earl's name once weeks ago. Even he didn't understand why it bothered him so. It wasn't due to his Aesthetics; nothing in those or in a Contract (unless specifically given in the Contract) forbade a Demon from speaking the first name, or any part of the name, of the person whom they Contracted with. So why was speaking the Earl's name such a problem with him?

"In-" Kyrie says, startling Sebastian, licking her lips. "In my home country of Japan, names have...well to say meaning isn't quite fair to other countries, like they don't have any special meaning there either. But they have meaning. We don't speak people's first names lightly. It is a sign of...intimacy."

He stares at her for a moment, not getting it, before his eyes widen in understanding as he looks at her. She does not look angry or disgusted, merely staring at him with curiosity in her eyes.

She smiles, almost sadly. "You understand now, ne?"

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He rubs at his eyes, knowing he had to get out of there, out of the crowds of people, out of Kyrie's concerned gaze and Sebastian's-just Sebastian. If he kept staring at him, like he kept doing for days now (even if Sebastian didn't realize he noticed him looking), he'd go mad. He was exhausted and that didn't help, but if he didn't work hard at the theater, focus on the acting, the singing, whatever else must be done, then he would be stuck with thoughts he didn't like, stuck, just like how he was stuck in this small little town, unable to get out or leave. Things were running out of his control and he hated it. The loss of control only served to remind him of his past.

He was stuck with thoughts of those on the other side of this town and to imagine what they thought and were doing without him there. If the Queen hadn't sent someone to search for him, if word had gotten to her yet, then those of his Manor certainly would. And if not them, then Elizabeth or other members of the Midford family.

It made him think, to ponder. He-even in shunning those around him, they had stuck firmly to him, had been loyal; even when he had never offered the hand of friendship, they had accepted anyway. He had...gotten used to them. And that was something he could not have. He was alive by his own drive, his own self-desire, and from the Demon who offered him a way to salvage his pride from those whom had taken it from him. He could not have anything else for himself.

His hands tremble. So why was it now that he was thinking of these things? It was the stupid barrier and being left mostly to his own devices, unable to rely on Sebastian as he normally would. Now he was forced to rely on Sebastian as something else, in this trapped little world that had become their only world.

He sighs, moving from the brick wall he had been leaning against, having ended up near his usual barrier spot though it was quite late at night now and the barrier was as it always was. He hears a sound behind him and starts to turn.

"Sebastian-?"

He cries out as he is stricken, crumpling to the ground.

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A search of Kyrie's house shows nothing except the leftover dishes on the kitchen table from breakfast that hadn't been cleaned as all three of them had been in a hurry (" **I'll take care of them when we get back." the Earl says, flushing as they turn to look at him in surprise. He looks away from them. Sebastian finds a smile curling his lips unexpectedly; it was the first time the Earl had taken initiative to do things like that on his own.** )

"Where are you? I-" He stops. He swallows. He starts to speak again. "C-"

"Is he not here?" Kyrie says behind him.

He turns to look at her, shaking her head. Where was he? It was quite unlike the Earl to wander, especially at this late hour. But then again, he had been unlike himself for the past few days, obviously exhausted but continuing to deny Kyrie when she asked him to take a break.

Her lips purse. "I know he hasn't been feeling all too great. Maybe he went to see the doctor."

"Surely he's abed by now?" He inquires.

She shakes her head. "No, he told me earlier he had a few rounds to make around the town as a few cases of colds have been keeping a lot of people sick for awhile. Maybe Ciel went to see him." She starts to head out, giving him a slight wave. " _Call me_ , if you find him first, okay? I'll do the same if I do."

He nods in agreement and she leaves. After a glance around, brows furrowed, he leaves too.

The door closes with a soft thud. He had no worries of locking it; even in his state as he was, a burglar would be nothing for him to deal with (hopefully.) He walks off, thinking where the Earl might have gone to.

One place easily comes to mind and he hurries that way. Especially as of late, the Phantomhive Earl had been taking longer and longer each time he checked the barrier. Sebastian had given him that. If he wanted a little more time to think his thoughts, then he was free to. But now with him so obviously exhausted and given the late time of night, it was not a good combination.

The thought that truly scared him was: what if he had been calling for Sebastian this whole time and he had been unable to hear it?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

He groans, stirring.

"Finally _._ The little 'lord' awakens." an accented voice says.

He blinks and looks up from his position on the ground. A large German man looms over him and he is instantly overcome with fear, against his will. The man had a gleam in his eye that reminds him easily of his captors, ones who laughed as he was branded, who laughed as they had their 'fun' with him, toying with him mercilessly. Laughed-until a Demon steps his stiletto heels onto the ground and drives them into paste, into nothingness.

It's that thought that steels him.

The man doesn't seem to like the look in his eye and he kicks Ciel suddenly, making him cry out in pain. He spits in Ciel's general direction but it does not hit him. "Fucking English. Think your better than me? I'll whip that defiance right out of you. After I make good use of your other uses." The man grins and Ciel whimpers, curling in on himself from the pain. The man grimaces and starts to kick Ciel again. And again. "Think this is funny?! I'll teach you a lesson. Been waiting for _weeks_ for you to be on your own. I'll make sure I get as much from you as I can before I toss-" Kick. "you-" Kick. "into the nearest river!" Kick.

Ciel cries out again. Sebastian. It's all he can think of now. _Sebastian, help me! Sebastian! SEBAST-_

" _Young Master!"_ Sebastian's voice rings out in the darkness, greatly startling both the man and Ciel himself.

All he can do is watch as Sebastian's eyes darken and his now fanged mouth grits in anger, launching himself at the man, black nailed hand outstretched as his nails dig into the man's chest, ripping into him before the man can even blink or react. He removes his hand and the man crumples down onto the ground, dead, eyes staring wide and unblinking up at the night sky.

Sebastian is at Ciel's side in an instant, kneeling down to help him sit up, checking him over for any cuts or the like. As he gets his bearings and looks at Sebastian's face he finds his breath catching at the expression in Sebastian's face. Finally Sebastian looks at him, eyes and face in obvious worry for Ciel. He swallows.

"Are you alright?" Sebastian asks hoarsely.

He nods, unable to speak, only able to look at Sebastian. It's then that he truly registers what just happened. He trembles and closes his eye, unable to look at the Demon any longer. He starts as Sebastian presses his forehead against Ciel's and he can feel his shaky breath against him.

"I understand now." Sebastian says. "Kyrie explained to me the meaning of a name. Explained the intimacy of speaking someone's first name, its significance."

He opens his eye. Sebastian's eyes bore into him.

His thumb rubs Ciel's cheek and he smiles at him, causing his heart to beat quicker at the sight of it, as if it was the first time he had ever smiled at Ciel in truth.

" _Ciel_."

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I hope you enjoyed this!

Let me know what you thought!

-PhoenixJustice


	7. That Butler, Intimate (pt 1)

Behind My Pride

By: PhoenixJustice

Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is owned by Yana Toboso. I only own this story and make no profit from this.

Warning: Rated M for sexual content, underage, slash, language, violence, etc.

Pairing: Sebastian Michaelis/Ciel Phantomhive, etc.

Setting: Post-Green Witch Arc. Spoilers for the entire manga.

Summary: Trapped and put at a disadvantage that he had never dealt with before, he struggles to regain everything he once knew. Struggles to deal with Sebastian in a place, a situation, he had never envisioned.

_**Bold italiced words (when someone speaks German.)** _

_Italics are thoughts._

**Bold is flashbacks.**

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Seven - That Butler, Intimate (pt 1)

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Sebastian hadn't even given him time to respond, picking him up easily in his arms, walking back towards Kyrie's house, leaving Ciel in a flushed mess, heart still pounding from everything. First the fear, the ever loathsome fear, from his encounter with the German man (alieviated greatly, thanks to Sebastian's killing him) and then the-the-what had that been?

He should have been outraged, demanded Sebastian stop it at once, but he hadn't. He had trembled; from the fear, from...from the... His face feels like it's on fire and he does his best not to squirm in Sebastian's embrace. He had never felt like he'd feel anything like that. After what had been done to him by his captors, he had accepted he'd never feel desire like the next person. He'd marry Elizabeth, continue the Phantomhive line, but he wouldn't get anything from that, any pleasure, any desire.

And then...and then...

Sebastian is quiet the whole way back, his arms tight around Ciel. He can only wonder at the Demon's thoughts. For all that, on the surface, he seemed easy for Ciel to read, as of late especially...he had been difficult to figure out. It was as if it was a clean slate, being here. A clean slate between them. With no need to impress Queens or burdened with the tasks of being an Earl or the Watchdog of the Crown, it left Ciel being...just Ciel. Someone he had to figure out himself who he was.

And as for Sebastian...with less focus on his duties to Ciel Phantomhive, Earl of Phantomhive, Watchdog to the Queen, it left Sebastian being somehow less and somehow _more_ than he was before. It left Ciel scrambling to find his place next to Sebastian.

He stills. _Next_ to Sebastian? _He_ was the King, in this piece of Checkmate, using his Pawns to gain his victory. But...somehow his Knight, his most useful piece, had gained ground, influence, to stand _beside_ the King.

They get back to Kyrie's and Sebastian sets him down, immediately going for the phone. Ciel takes that time to lean against a wall, letting out a breath and closing his eye. He can't really make out what Sebastian is saying on the phone, or who he is talking to. There's a pause before Sebastian puts the phone back on the hook. He opens his eye when he hears footsteps. Sebastian looks at him with an unreadable expression.

"I told Kyrie that I found you." Sebastian says, idly looking at the paintings-Kyrie created paintings-that lined the wall behind Ciel.

"O-oh." Ciel says, flustered. He hated being out of control, but it was certainly something he couldn't help now. "I suppose I'll have to thank her when she returns." He had manners, after all, instilled in him from the earliest of ages.

Sebastian's deep eyes, red now, glance back at him. Ciel flushes. Just what was that look?

"She's not returning tonight. She's busy with something." Sebastian says, a small smile playing on his face.

"I...see." Damnit all; why was it so difficult to speak to Sebastian now? He had to reestablish their boundaries, before...before what, exactly?

Sebastian's smile widens into a smirk that he doesn't bother to hide.

"Is that right?" Sebastian says easily, taking off his stage coat and tossing it aside carelessly (though it still landed atop a chair-Sebastian's reflexes at work.) He comes to stand in front of Ciel, an elegant eyebrow raised.

Ciel looks away. "Yes." He says, shortly. "I'm going to bed. So-" He tries to move past, but Sebastian put a hand against the wall, looking down at him. "Let me past, Sebastian."

His flush deepens. "I said...let me past, Sebastian."

"Hmm? Oh, of course." Sebastian says, face moving into one of bland neutrality. "You surely must be tired."

He nods, relieved. The Demon lets him pass him by but grabs onto his arm, causing him to whirl around. "Wha-!"

Sebastian picks him up easily, looking down at him, his eyes blazing once more.

"Let me help you up." Sebastian says, with a playful smile. He starts to head up the stairs to their shared room.

"I don't-put me down!" Ciel sputters. Sebastian pauses in the midst of walking up another step.

"Is that an order?" He asks, quietly, looking at Ciel with a serious look in his eyes now.

Ciel looks at him, heart thumping, mind racing with so many things he had never expected, expected to feel, expected to _want_ and swallows hard against the sudden lump in his throat.

"No orders." He says, blushing face looking away from Sebastian. "Not-not tonight."

They continue up the stairs and after a moment he takes the chance to look at Sebastian's face. He was looking ahead, a small contented smile on his face.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

He gets places onto the bed and all he can do is look up at Sebastian, his faced flushed beyond recognition as he looks upon the demon. The demon's face was calm but his eyes were ablaze with something Ciel couldn't quite pick up on.

He licks his dry lips. "Se-Sebastia-"

The demon kneels down, face to face with him, eyes full of intensity.

"What did he do to you?" Sebastian asks him.

Instantly shame fills him and he tries to push it back with the usual anger but the whole situation, Sebastian, all of it, leaves him unable to do so. He turns his face away and jumps as Sebastian grabs his face.

"What," Sebastian asks, voice calm whereas his eyes were a blood red blaze. "did he do to you?"

Ciel shakes his head in the negative and Sebastian's mouth curls in anger and Ciel gasps as the demon's hands move with a supernatural quickness. Before the Earl can react, his shirt is opened, exposing his narrow chest, littered with bruises from the German man's brutal assault.

"I cannot heal your wounds," Sebastian says, hand just barely grazing Ciel's skin, causing him to shiver. "My kind are destroyers, seducers, _changers_. I cannot heal you...but I can make you forget about the pain. The pain I know that you are feeling."

Ciel's throat tightens as he looks at him, as Sebastian waits, patience and something else unnamed upon his face. He was indeed feeling pain. He had been able to dismiss it for a short time, due to his anger and fear, but the adrenaline from that was wearing out now. He had dealt with pain many a time before. He had dealt with the worst of humanity and what they had done to him, as they had sacrificed and bled to summon a Demon.

That Demon had found them all unworthy; instead he had placed his heeled feet on the ground past them, his eyes had looked past them, and instead chosen _him_ as worthy.

He blinks his eye and sees Sebastian looking at him with such an honest worry that it chokes him.

He averts his eye and grabs onto his eye patch. He removes it and throws it to the side, his eye blinking and adjusting to the light. He looks at Sebastian with his mismatched eyes; _branded_. He was branded. But this time, unlike the time when he was kidnapped, this was _different_. This was a _choice_. He had made the choice to take this brand. He had...he had chosen...

He swallows. "I.." He doesn't look at Sebastian. He _can't_. He can _feel_ his face heat up. "I..."

Sebastian touches his face again. "Look at me." It was the closest Sebastian had ever come to a command to _him._ He turns his face up to look at him. His hand drifts down Ciel's face gently. "Tell me and I will do it."

He shakes his head. "No. I already said...no...no orders."

Sebastian's mouth twists into an almost smirk. "Hmm. That's right. Then I will ask then, as the person you have made me to be, as Sebastian Michaelis."

He leans forward, getting right into Ciel's space and Ciel can feel his heart thudding in his chest at the proximity. "May I?" Sebastian purrs.

Ciel can't respond, but it doesn't seem to bother Sebastian. On the contrary; it makes his smirk widen even further. One long finger just barely touches the bottom of Ciel's lip, causing him to gasp.

"I _will_." Sebastian says.

He grasps Ciel's face gently with a hand and kisses him.

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The look on Ciel's face is priceless, as he pulls back from the brief kiss. His face, his whole _body_ , flushes a pretty red. His thin chest heaves with heavy breath, heart beating quickly within it.

It was a wonder to Sebastian, a true wonder.

To say he had lost count of the times he had kissed somebody, had performed sex acts on them, had them performed on him, or with them, was quite the understatement. They had been necessary things, in his time doing things for those he had Contracted with. It had been pleasurable enough but he had never gotten _pleasure_ out of it.

He had never _wanted_ before.

Tall, busty women of all shapes and sizes, men of varying degrees of muscles and yet this scrawny short, _mouthy_ boy had managed to set a fire within him that he had never even come _close_ to ever feeling before. It was interesting, new, and _exciting_.

All he wanted to do was to have them both utterly spent, with Ciel beneath him, writhing in pleasure and-

He pauses.

Ciel.

Thanks to Kyrie, he now understood the significance of a name. He understood what it meant, he was pretty sure now, that he thought of Ciel as _Ciel_ and had even called him that.

He wanted to do so again.

He smiles at Ciel's blushing face and leans in to kiss him again. Ciel stiffens in surprise, but does not pull away. It was a marvel, really, and he enjoyed it to its fullest extent, that Ciel could enjoy these things at all. He had never shown an indication of liking something such as this. If their Contract extended to the time when Ciel married Lady Elizabeth and had to beget a child, he supposed it would be perfunct and-

His jaw clenches and he grabs Ciel's face, tilting it to deepen the kiss, causing Ciel to let out a surprised squeak against his mouth. He moves his wet tongue over the boy's lips, before delving into the heat of his mouth. He feels a thrill as Ciel's hands-previously clenched, had now grabbed onto Sebastian's arms.

The pleasure he feels as Ciel moans, unable to keep the sound from passing his lips, surprises even him.

He pulls back, letting Ciel get some much needed air. He fingers the boy's shirt with a fondness as he toys with some of the buttons. He sees Ciel look at him with darkened eyes. Lust was a powerful tool-one of _the_ most powerful-tools at a Demon's disposal and it had many uses.

Usually Sebastian employed it as a way to gain information (it had worked well in the past to gain information from Beast, after all.) But now he was using it in a way that he was sure few, if any, ever employed it; to genuinely _help_ someone. The power to Heal was a power of things of the Light. But Sebastian was of the Dark and could only use the tools he had at his disposal.

He could, and was, using lust to dampen Ciel's pain...but he wasn't using it to influence Ciel in any way. The things Ciel was feeling were things that Ciel was feeling (which was utterly thrilling to Sebastian.) No, instead the lust just took the place of the adrenaline that had kept Ciel from feeling the pain until they had gotten back.

He stops his hands and waits for Ciel to look at him again.

"What-what now?" Ciel asks, unsure. He smiles with a fondness that surprises him. _What_ _a surprising thing you are, Ciel Phantomhive_.He had never felt fondness or anything of that like for anything before (well, except for cats. But they were _cats_.)

He pulls off Ciel's shirt in a quick motion and starts work on his buckled heels, tossing them aside (and the socks moments after.) He pauses, hands at Ciel's thighs. Ciel looks at him with wide, mismatched eyes, the brand he had laid in him burning bright.

_My_ brand.

Then the thought, unbidden:

_Mine._

_You are mine._

"Hn. That depends, I suppose." He says slowly.

"On what?" Ciel asks, in a tone almost demanding. The fact that he kept trying to retain control in a situation that _both_ of them knew he couldn't was _cute_.

"On you." He takes his lips briefly, before trailing them down his small neck. He lays a kiss on the junction between his shoulder and neck and chuckles as Ciel lets out another squeak of a sound. "And on what you want."

He pulls back and looks at him there, sitting on the edge of the bed, all but naked now, his eyes trailing down to see the obvious press of an erection against his pants. It sends a sharp thrill through his body. Outside of the body's normal response in the morning that boys and men often got, Ciel had never shown any other outward desire before, but he was feeling it now.

For _Sebastian_.

"What I-what _I_ want?" Ciel asks, faintly.

"Yes."

Ciel looks unsure and hesitant. "I will do nothing you do not like." He is quick to reassure him. For the briefest of moments, he wishes he could kill all of those captors of his once more, twice more.

"I don't know what to do." Ciel says in a small voice.

He looks away from Sebastian, as if he thinks that Sebastian will laugh at him and it's _that_ which is the laughable thing. As if he would laugh at Ciel in this moment, with this situation. It was absurd.

"Then let me...?" He asks, his hands on the opening of Ciel's pants. Ciel's eyes widen but he nods.

He opens them up and frees Ciel's erection. It is smaller, of course, compared to him, but he can already see the beginnings of Ciel's growth. It is decently long, but not very thick yet. The head is already purpling from the Earl's desire and he finds, for the first time, that he wants a taste. He leans down and gives it a long lick. Ciel cries out and his small hands clutch Sebastian's still clothed shoulders. He smiles.

He brings it into his mouth slowly, letting Ciel see his intention. Ciel watches him with wide, dark, eyes, unable to look away from Sebastian and that was how he wanted it. He wanted all of Ciel's senses to be filled with him and him alone. For him to think of only Sebastian. To only-

He sucks and Ciel cries out. His nails dig pleasantly into his shoulder as he continues his ministrations. Demons varied on how much they liked pain, so for Sebastian a healthy amount of pain had always been the most enjoyment he had gotten out of sexual acts. Until now, of course.

The pain was nice, quite nice, but he found that Ciel's cries and seeing the Earl come undone was more of a pleasure than even that.

He can feel him getting close before Ciel even tries to, hesitantly, speak up. He pulls back, licking his lips at the pleasant taste of the Earl on his mouth and leans forward to share it. He kisses him, harder now and feels the insistent press of his own erection against his clothes. The surprises _kept_ coming.

He moves his hand now over Ciel's erection, moving it with a skilled hand up and down, sucking in Ciel's cries against his mouth as he kisses him again and again and again-

"S-Sebastian!" Ciel groans and he comes, all over Sebastian's hand, splashing between both their bodies and the thought of it all over them only pushes Sebastian further. He pulls Ciel onto the bed and looms over him, watching with hungry eyes as the boy pants, eyes closed as he lingers over the pleasure that _Sebastian_ had given him.

He looms over Ciel like a dark spectre, eyes glittering as Ciel's open. Ciel looks at him with flushed skin, pleased eyes, and all Sebastian does is _want_.

"What-what now?" Ciel asks, quietly.

"Hmm. I think I can think of a few more things..."

Sebastian smiles.

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I hope you enjoyed this!

Let me know what you thought!

-PhoenixJustice


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